sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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