I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
