I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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