Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Randomize
