where am i from again
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
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