Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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