my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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