Banned from zoo.
Again?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Randomize
