i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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