At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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