your parents love me but you hate me
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
