Hey man sorry I got all grabby
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
