woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
