Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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