She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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