John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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