I like my sex mixed with concussions.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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