pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
