Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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