You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
