She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
The struggles of a small town man whore
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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