somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
