Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
