Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
