How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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