you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
She has the best kind of daddy issues
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
