what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
