Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
