it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
