I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize