Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
