We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
