We're like a lot better than the average bears
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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