I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize