Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
