You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
