So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
