I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I'm too high and old for this...
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
