just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
