my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
