We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
