Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
