im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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