I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
