Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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