I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
