Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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