Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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