the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize