and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
