so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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