Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
