There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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