My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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