I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
