Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
