I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize