He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
