You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
