we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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