Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Do vagina's smell?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
