I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
