respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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