and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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