never play flip cup with pint glasses
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize