If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Randomize
