At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
