i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Randomize
