I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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