how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
