this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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