Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
