Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
