I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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