and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
