the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
