Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Randomize
