she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
and she was petting her beer can
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Randomize
