i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize