she smelled like a LAN party
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
