I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
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