it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
