my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
