i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
