it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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