I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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