Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
