she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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