he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
