First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
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