just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
