Betty ford says i'm here all night
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
