I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Even my vagina gasped.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
