When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
