Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
