haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
