Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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