Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize