youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
