Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
