Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
