we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Drunk is not a location!
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
